Blackout
by AlwaysSharp
Summary: Blackout in the loft. The gang is stuck there. Yippee.


"Fuck!"

"Oh my god, where'd the lights go?"

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!"

"Anybody have a cell phone?"

…

"Okay. Well, there's that much light."

"Shine it over here! Someone's touching me and I want to know – _Michael_?"

"I thought you were Ben!"

"Well, I'm _not_!"

"Michael, I'm over here."

"Over where?"

"Take a few steps forward – "

"Shit!"

"Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry! Here, I'll help you up – "

"No!"

"Melanie, I didn't mean – "

"Mama, why's it dark?"

"I don't know, honey. Maybe Daddy didn't pay his electric bill?"

Collectively: "_Brian_!"

"Fuck you all, I paid the fucking thing."

"He did. I was there."

"Then why's it dark, fuckers?"

"Michael! Watch your mouth! There's a child next to you."

"_Fuck_-ers."

"Gus!"

"That's a bad word, sweetie."

"Uncle Mikey said it."

"That's because Uncle Mikey is a very bad boy."

"Yeah, he is. Maybe Uncle Ben can spank him?"

"_Brian_!"

"Uncle Mikey get spanked?"

"No!"

"But Daddy said – "

"Don't listen to Daddy, okay, Gus?"

"'Kay."

"'Cause Daddy says lots of things that he doesn't mean."

"Uncle Justin's going to get spanked if he doesn't shut his fucking mouth."

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

"Mama! Daddy's gonna spank Uncle Jus!"

"Let him."

…

"AAAAAH!"

"Emmett? What the fuck?"

"Something just _licked _me!"

"Don't look at me."

"How _can _we? It's dark!"

"Who licked me? _Who licked me_!?"

"Gus, sweetie, did you lick Auntie Em?"

"Nuh-uh."

"AAAAH! It happened again! Someone's going to kill me!"

"Emmett! Nobody licked you!"

"What?"

"Nobody. Licked. You. You're imagining – oh my god, someone just licked me!"

"Who the fuck is licking every – AAAAH!"

"Okay, who just did – Justin!"

Collectively: "Justin!"

"Justin, why the fuck did you go around licking people?"

"Salty."

"Brian, please control your twink."

"Be glad to. Twinkie! On your knees."

"Yes, _sir_."

"Ow! That was my foot!"

"Suck it up. Pun intended."

_Zzzzip._

"Brian! You can't get a blowjob in the middle of your living room!"

"Why not? I do it all the time when you fuckers aren't here."

"Well, yeah, but now we _are _here!"

"So cover your ears. Justin – now."

"But we can still see you!"

"No, you can't. It's dark, remember?"

"Yeah, but I can – "

"Shut the fuck up, Mikey, we all know you want to watch."

"Oh my _god_! No, I _don't_!"

"Fine, then. Close your eyes."

…

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh… ohhhh! God, Justin! Oh god!"

"Wait a second. Wait. Brian… isn't usually that noisy. You _are _Brian, right?"

"Um. No."

"WHAT?!"

"Jesus, I was just kidding."

"Ben, open your phone for a second."

…

"Whew. Oh, thank god. Oh my god, that was scary."

"Hey, Ben? Can I…?"

_Zzzzip_.

"No, Michael. No. Absolutely – oh, god."

"No! This is _my _living room! There will be no sex taking place unless it involves _me_!"

"I'll suck you off!"

"Michael!"

"Well – I mean – I just – "

"Daddy, why are Uncle Ben's pants down?"

"I really have no fucking clue. Put your fucking pants on, Bruckner."

"Oh, but it was okay when _you _were getting blown."

"_Yeah_. 'Cause it's _my house_."

…

_Sssssssssss._

"What's that noise?"

"'m scared of the dark, Daddy!"

"Fuck, Gus, did you just piss on the floor?"

"Ew! Oh my god, he _did_!"

"Michael, shut up! You're going to scare him!"

"He's already scared!"

"Gus, baby, I'll take you to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Okay?"

"'Kay, Uncle Jus."

"AAAAH!"

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry!"

"Justin! Who the fuck did you just step on?"

"Melanie."

"Oh. Okay, then."

"Shut up!"

"Uncle _Jus_! I gotta _go_!"

"'Kay, sweetie. Just step over Mama and we can go to the bathroom. Okay. Here we are."

_Click_.

"I say we put a chair against the door so they can't come out."

"What, and no more blowjobs?"

"I have plenty of other people here who can assist."

"Do you, now? Such as?"

"Mikey."

"Okay, _no_!"

"Lindsay."

"Lindsay's a _dyke_!"

"Yeah, well. And Ben, remember that time – "

"Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut _up_!"

"Brian! Gus pissed all over your four thousand dollar rug!"

"WHAT!?"

"Was a accident, Daddy."

"I don't care! Lindsay! Get this kid _out_!"

_Waaaaaaah_.

"Gus… I'm sorry. I just got really mad. Here, let me – "

"No!"

"Shit – shit!"

_Crash_.

"Fuck!"

"What'd you fall on?"

"Who gives a shit? It _hurts_!"

"Aww, does Bwi-Bwi have a boo-boo?"

"Shut the fuck up, Theodore."

"Can I help you up?"

"Okay. Okay. I'm up. Oh my god. Ow. Fuck. Gus, you're a little terrorist, you know that?"

"'s that good?"

"Kinda. It means you're like Daddy."

"Yay!"

"Melanie, you're a fucking cunt."

"_Brian_!"

"And you're a fucking faggot."

"Yeah, I've heard that. In fact, I've fucking _said _that."

"Oh god. They're going to kill each other. Oh god."

_Click_.

"Wait. What the fuck? Why's the light on?"

"I… turned it on."

"You _what_?"

"Someone just pressed the all-circuts-off button. Wasn't a blackout."

"But it was really dark!"

"Yeah. All-circuts-off will do that."

"Um, Michael?"

"Yes?"

"Why are your pants around your ankles?"

"…'Cause."


End file.
